Slip Slops, Robots and Shark Spotting!

Off road shark spotting

There is a reason why the UAE imports tomatoes from Holland. Returning from 4 days in South Africa, I found the last sad remains of an Aubergine stem. My cherry tomatoes, Carrots and Onions and Peas, all melted in the desert heat. I think my organic vegetable sandbox garden needs a hiatus until October.

Cape Town on the other hand was a canvas of fall colors, as their winter is setting in. My team mate Steve and I attended a conference last Friday and then spent all day Saturday with new found friends, Lara, gary, Alec and Annie (through work related projects) driving around the Cape peninsula, from Muizenberg to Frenschoek and along the coast. At one point we passed a shack high above the coast. Steve told me the community hires homeless people to spot for sharks, as this coast line has the greatest population of great whites and an equal large population of great surfers. The two cannot cohabitate easily - hence the need for shark spotters, who upon seeing a large shadow in the water (we're talking 5-6 meters) sound a horn and the surfers paddle and run out of the water. It begs to wonder if a spotter has ever neglected to sound the horn, just so a white guy can get eaten....or if ever the horn sounds for for fun, so one can witness a score of bum surfers run for their life ;-) Anyway, it seems to work - there are only rare instances of attacks and it keeps the economy going. Beats plane or train spotting!

After several hours of driving along the most beautiful and raw coast, we ended up at an underground winery, built by an eccentric Prussian count. The place was absolutely fantastic and some of the best wine I have tasted in a long time! The food, company and Pinot, made the day complete and I was slightly tipsy as I boarded my flight home(!!). This trip was very educational in so many ways. Who knew for example that in South Africa, traffic lights are called robots? And flips flops are slip slops....makes total sense!

Dubai World apparently owns a large chunk of the Cape Town water front, so I am working on having Aric arrange an account planning trip in September; we need more Pinot! Everyone agreed that we all must have another wine tour and that the respective spouses need to join!

Cinco De Mayo Celebration

Margaret swung the bat with fierce determination and brought down the beast in two swings! We are so pleased that Grandpa Tom has found such a strong, delightful and funny Canoodian girlfriend and in awe that she was able to take down our Parrot pinata so fast - it took two men to hang it back up, so other guests could swing at it. Later, it was in fact decapitated and we found the head in the top of a bush the next morning - the parrot had finally found it's nesting ground!

40, 5, 2, 16, 20, 56
Not your lucky Lotto numbers! 40 people showed up; 5 bottles of tequila emptied; 2 swings by Margaret to bring down the parrot; 16 enchiladas eaten among all the other main courses; 20 plastic margarita glasses used and re-used and re-used, and 56 coronas consumed (along with all the sangria, margaritas and Sol beer; 3 bottles of wine and 2 bottles of champagne) - I'd say the party was a success! Thank God Nicole brought another pinata (albeit a Zebra!!) - as there were a line of people waiting to give it a go.

Just before the guests arrived I had a wig crisis. While I was in the shower, Slim was attacking what he thought was a wild and dangerous rodent in my bedroom. Clearly thinking I was in danger from the "rodent", he broke its neck and gave it a good shake! What was a sleek and beautiful senorita wig, now looked like a cross between Michael Jackson's 1975 afro and Ozzy Osborne after a long concert night. I tried combing it out to no avail. Last resort was to gather the frizz with a large barret and let the front ends hang loose. I now looked less like roadkill and more like a Mexican prostitute. Well, it worked with the peasant dress I wore, so what can I say. My Senor hubby and his father sported a classic hombre look with their colorful sarapees and Margaret was my idential twin with a green peasant dress though no wig!

Aidan and Hunter made an appearance for a change - Aidan even made several batches of drinks for us (probably to impress his girlfriend Courtney who was there with her parents Andrew and Elona) - he made a killer Tequila Sunrise.

The last people left 4am, so I'd say it was a very successful fiesta! Elona says she will host the next party - theme: "Out of Africa" - so I'm already working on Aric's and my Tarzan and Jane outfits!

two for one - doesn't always work!

We get our cars washed twice a week. It sounds like we live a life in luxury but truly, it's a perk that is very inexpensive, keeps two people employed and pays them much more than they can get in their home country. We have a great couple (guy and girl) who team up, or come separately sometimes, to wash our cars of all the desert dust. In fact, they have just told us they are going back to Sri Lanka May 20th to get married - they are SO cute!
So, the evening we picked up Grandpa Tom and his woman of leisure, Margaret, we thought we'd just get a quick vaccuum and clean inside the cars at the gas station car wash. Driving into the waiting line, we told the guy we just wanted to have a quick inside detail. "OK, 40 dirhams" - but a full carwash and vaccuum is 40 dirhams...."yes but we cannot break it up; if you go through the AUTO machine you only pay 30 and we vaccuum". But I don't want to use the auto carwash (I made that mistake in UK and ruined the front side panel of our Lexus) - so we will just take the vaccuum pls. "No sir / madam let me explain, that is not possible, you must either go through the auto or pay 40 dirhams". Aric and I looked at eachother with a puzzled expression....I really tried to stay calm, but it was so hard. Let me get this straight! -- if we just want the vaccuum, we pay full price, 40 dirhams, otherwise we can use the auto car wash and pay 30 dirhams and get the vaccuum included. So, we will just go thru the auto car wash line without having the brush wash and then get in line for vaccuum, pay 30 dirhams and we're good? "No, no madam, that is not allowed - you cannot just drive through the machine". But I am saving you water!! "No, no, no madam, is no possible" - OK let me speak to your supervisor.

Waiting 10 minutes, another Indian came up to our car window. Must say, he looked very supervisory! Same story, we want vaccuum only - no aqua. "Oh no sir / madam, let me explain"....no really, I think you explained enough!! I'm saving you water by NOT taking the car wash in the auto carwash, so clearly you can vaccuum the car for 30 dirhams. I will just drive right through, OK?
"No because it's not procedure". Oh boy! Every reader knows me by now - I'm not the best at procedures. Aric told me to shut my pipe and he would do the talking. This somehow fell on deaf ears to me. Surely my face must have been red by now, but since it was dark, perhaps the guy did not see that. I put the car in gear and drove right into the auto carwash bay, drove right through the machine and past the side brushes, did a U-turn and placed my car behind a snazzy BMW being vaccuumed.
All the Indian washers stared as I got out of the car, told them to make sure to get the Slim snot off the inside of the windows and proceeded to get on a conference call while sitting in the waiting room. Cost me 30 Dirhams!
Thanks, 2 for 1 not doing it for me....just need 1 for 1.

Water World

When you break your ankle, you don't get to participate in family fun! It's a sad truth that Aric has become addicted, wired to be specific - not to painkillers, but to "The Wire" - yet another US HBO series that somehow got downloaded by someone in our family (and you know who you are!) So, he very conveniently sits with his leg propped up, in front of our new TV Wall unit, and watches, marathon-like, episode after episode of the Wire, while the rest of us actually experience the Sandbox for what it has to offer.

What a surprise when Hunter texted me last week, after having left for school - "do you want to come to Aquaventure with Aidan and I on Saturday?" Maybe he was trying to make good after his "golf course drunken escapade"? Maybe he truly wanted some brother and mother time, now that Aidan is leaving soon? It didn't occur to me - in my excitement over being asked - that by saying YES WOULD LOVE TO, they scored a driver and a sponsor ($$££) for the day!

Smart move on Hunter's part for manipulating me with the whole brother / mother quality time!! It turned out to be a great day. Courtney, her sister Ashley and her mom and dad, Elona and Andrew, also showed up (that way Courtney too had a driver and sponsor...go figure ;-) These kids are creative!

We all had a blast at Atlantis and spent the entire day lounging, splashing, sunning and enjoying the fantastic company. As we send one kid off, we are in the process of gaining two....Courtney has all but moved in with us (she has her own drawer in Aidan's closet - y'all can see where this is leading) and Gavin, Hunter's friend, loves to hang with us - as he says, we are much cooler parents than his own (oh boy, not sure if that's true...) so we find the household increasing rather than shrinking. Sure is a lively home. The day ended with a lovely BBQ at Courtney's house, Andrew showing off his new Gas Grill and Courtney impressing us with her salad making abilities. At least the girl can cook!

Happy Birthday Aidan! Now get the heck outta Dodge!

It was an event even the Sheikh and Sheikha wouldn't miss! Here was their chance to celebrate another ex-pat going off into the world - I'm sure they both discussed this at length while driving to Aidan's birthday gathering, in their finest dish-dash attire: "Mohammed, another ex-pat boy is turning 18, it's time to send him off!" "Yes, my dear Hayya, it's a good thing I made the rule that all boys, 18 and over, must leave the Emirates, this leaves less pampered and spoiled males hanging on to their mama's Abaya!"

So it was, Aidan turned 18, on April 28, and our little family sang happy birthday in our two languages, Danish and English, while a sleepy Aidan unpacked his presents at the morning table.

Still sporting his "Prison Break" look, Hunter thought it would be helpful to have a battery operated shaver that doubles as a trimmer, so when Aidan goes off on his gap year, he can keep the hair at 2mm.

Aric and I bought Aidan a backpack and I stuffed it with Bhat (not the flying kind.....Thailand currency is called Bhat) - as this is his first stop after leaving Dubai June 15. We are delighted to have just learned that Julius, Aidan's best friend since 1st grade in Denmark, will join him there for a month!

Grandpa Tom just arrived yesterday from Chicago, via Warsaw and Vienna (the stop-overs you agree to, in order to get a trip on air-miles...!!) - and added a a few $$ to the travel nest egg.

Courtney, Aidan's femme fatale, baked him a multicolored cake; gave him purple hightops and a pink/blue watch (Aidan picked it out, she insists) - it's wonderful to have a son who is in touch with his own sexuality.

And on that subject, I booked a facial for Aidan, Hunter and I at the SPA - thinking, well I don't have two daughters to go to the salon with but in this day and age, with man-spas popping up everywhere, why shouldn't a mom be able to take her sons? Hunter jumped on this with full energy and had his face mapped out for the latest man-mask. Sharing our experiences after the treatment, Hunter and I excitedly talked about what mood light we had (green, blue or red), the smell of aroma oils and how the therapist massaged the skin around our eyelids. Aidan just looked at us, as if we were from a far away cosmetic planet.

He did not get to choose a mood light - it was clinically white in the room and his therapist had a man-face and was not talkative. He said she spread oatmeal on his face and used a brush to smear it so it sprayed everywhere (this would be where the mask was applied and Hunter's and my experience was quite different: gently smoothing exfoliating paste and spreading it with a rotating brush to get dead skin cells off) - Did you get steamed? I asked. Yes, this hot smoke came out of a pipe and made my nose run, but I did get a hot pad on my stomach! Ah yes, that would be the herb pack which soothes and relaxes you!

Hmmnn, OK. So I have a metro-sexual son who loves to be pampered and a macho-wood-chopping-son a la "Men in Trees" - who clearly thinks moisturizer and SPF is overrated! We still laughed as we drove home to meet Aric for dinner. All in all a great day and one I will cherish for years to come.

Golf can wipe you out!

It was that annoying 'beep-beep'...'beep-beep'; a text was coming in on the BlackBerry, and woke us up at 6.45am on a Friday (the holiest of holy days and equal to our Saturday).
Five missed calls, from a number we didn't recognize - plus 3 missed calls from Hunter. The unknown number was from a Pratabh - the lifeguard at the Montgomery Golf Club.
Imagine hearing only one side of the conversation Aric was engaged in: "who is this?; aha; where was he found?; who are you again?; he was found where again? yes; no; yes; no; yes I am Hunter's father; yes I know where the road to the golf academy is...we will be there in 5..."


Well, there was no sleeping in at that point - obviously something was up with Hunter, who we had dropped off at the Marina, for a small "friend gathering" the night before. I looked at Aric curiously as he hung up the phone. Hunter had been found, 5.30am, asleep in the grass in the median of the road leading to the Montgomery golf academy. Knowing my son doesn't suffer from narcolepsy or sleep walking, I immediately guessed he was drunk. Pratabh confirmed this when we got to the club. Wagging his head he explained, "Yessir, he was much babbling and could not stand straight".....hmmnn, nice! Hunter in the meantime was not lying in the grass any longer. It was now 7.15 and the security guard who found him was off-duty at this point so we couldn't find out what had happened. Hunter didn't answer his phone and we thought perhaps he had moved when the sprinklers and golfers began making the grass median a bit crowded.


Aidan, Slim, Aric and I began walking along the road, looking in the bushes on each side, for a heap of skinny teenager. As I was supposed to have gone to my spinning class at 8.30 with Fiona, she instead came to help search. Pratabh told us, they had called 999 (emergency) but he wasn't sure whether the police had actually picked Hunter up. We called Jebel Ali police station but they didn't have a 16 year old white Dane. We then spoke to 999 dispatch and they confirmed someone from Bur Dubai police station had responded. Then we called Bur Dubai police but they refused to speak English and hung up on Aric 4 times. I called Jebel Ali police again and asked if they could contact Bur Dubai police and please ask them in Arabic if Hunter was detained there. "No Madam, I will call them and tell them to speak English and then you call them again, KHALAS! (He emphasized 'khalas' - stop, finished, in Arabic, so I wasn't going to argue). Called Bur Dubai again - this time they replied they didn't know if Hunter was there, I would need to come to the station. OH NO...I was feeling a deja vu coming on!

Meanwhile - Fiona and I had arranged for another security guard to drive us around holes 1 to 3 in a golf cart, to see if Hunter had wandered across the golf course towards our Lakes neighborhood. It wasn't far, but when you are drunk, it can be challenging to negotiate a large lake, sandbunkers and several golf balls on the way, in 90 degrees heat. No sign of him in any bush, nor was he floating upside down in the lake. I thought Slim had sensed his scent, but sadly, Slim's blood hound ability is limited to females in heat, and birds flying off in front of him.


Fiona and I then drove all the way to Bur Dubai police, while Aric went home and nursed his fractured and swollen ankle from a spill on the wakeboard 3 days ago. My accidental husband is not learning!! It's worth mentioning that this whole time Aric was swearing while trying to contact Hunter's friends to find out what had happened, and why he was at Montgomery at all.

We got to the police station. Now, we know from experience not to say anything that can incriminate us. Drinking in the UAE is illegal and at 16 years of age, there just is no leniency.
So with great finesse and putting on our Oscar winning worried faces, Fiona and I explained to the guy on duty (beige uniform, angry looking - definitely in charge) - that Hunter was suffering from Diabetes and he had not had his insulin with him when visiting a friend. That's why he had passed out when trying to make it home to get his medication. The guy asked "so where is he?" - "well sir that's what we are trying to find out!!" (we're dealing with highly educated Emiratis here you see). "Sir, can you tell us if he is here? The Police was called when the security guy found him at Montgomery". "What is Montgomery?" (sigh...this would take a while). After 3 calls to his dispatcher, he told us to wait. We waited. and waited....meanwhile I read an interesting pamphlet called "My Son Steals" - an enlightening piece of literature obviously targeted toward lazy Arabic young males, as it clearly stated (and I quote verbatum - spellings and all): "Theft is a bad habit acquired from the surroundings in which he lives through imitation. To solve this phenomenon with the son, it is required from us to understand the folling !!!! He steals because he wishes to prove the ego in front of his friends and to fulfill his desire to please them. He steals to make fun and to break the status of the dullness or joblessness (unemployment). The increased protection and the pampering which make the son is not able to differentiate between his properties and others." Oh boy - do you think the local Emiratis have a problem with teen males??
It offered the following advice: "I can solve the problems of my son by - knowing his friends in order to verify their goodness and rightness; - to fulfill his physical needs in a moderate form without any pampering therein nor any stinginess...." Yes, that is good parent advice! So girls don't steal and the Arab boys steal because their moms pamper them. Got it!

Finally, Fiona and I got antsy and asked where they keep the people they pick up. I was told in the cells in the back. I asked if I could go see if Hunter was there. No, he wouldn't be there...as he is 16 and they only hold 18 and older! Now you tell us! What were we waiting for?? We never found out. Aric called us and said Hunter had been found, he was at the Marina, at the place where the party had been. Apparently after the security guy woke him, Hunter wandered back to the Marina very confused about why he was at Montgomery. The guard kept his phone so he couldn't call anyone. I considered giving the guard the pamphlet on stealing, since he thought it was OK to keep Hunter's phone. When Aric told Pratabh we would pick it up the next day and to have it ready, all of a sudden "the guard found it and returned it to the front desk"....yeah, right.

Hunter has no recollection of what happened between 1am when he says he and his 2 friends were watching Rambo on DVD, and 5.30am when he was in mid conversation with the security guard at Montgomery. He says maybe his drink was spiked. I personally think when you mix Jack Daniels, beer, vodka and gin, have a body fat content of .03% - that is spiking enough! So he is grounded until the end of the school year and to shave off a bit of his attitude, he has to call and personally apologize to Fiona for wasting her entire morning and putting us all through the nightmare of worrying.

hand me that screwdriver, please?

Guess how many Indians it takes to install a TV wall unit? Just guess...! OK then, I'll tell you. It takes seven (well six to work and one to watch), plus a supervisor, plus 8-9 phonecalls from the project manager and 4 days of assembly efforts. It puts Ikea to shame.

In December, when we moved from the Penthouse to the Villa, I sold most of our furniture - during the past 10 years and through 4 countries, we have collected a mis-match of pieces that just didn't cut it any longer. I was longing for coordinated style and comfort. I know - it's a female thing! Aric is at fault though. He met the Penthouse neighbor, whose apartment could be a candidate for the May issue of 'House and Garden' (or 'Apartment and Balcony'). Not shy of entering conversations, my dear Aric went through the neighbor's rooms and salivated over the carefully selected designer pieces. So when Julie (designer and 'girlfriend' of aforementioned neighbor) rode the elevator up with Aric one late night and happened to mention that such furniture could be had for a quarter of the cost, Aric of course thought "what a deal" (he forgot to take into account that it was a quarter of the designer's price, not Ikea or normal prices...!!)

So, in sheer bliss and ignorance, we started looking in stacks of books and magazines for ideas on furniture, lamps and accessories. Julie put a lot of time into coordinating colors (as designers do) and we ended up with two living rooms completely furnished - on paper.
It looked fantastic with teal, taupe, burnt orange, and a Buddha head on a shelf. Then came the quote (and we thought we were prepared, having sussed out several prices on couches and chairs) - 237,000 Dirhams (that's about $65,000) let me tell you that 'sticker shock' is putting it mildly! Ikea all of sudden looked golden; I almost had my butt in the car heading there, when Julie told us that her fee was a mere 12.5% on top of the value, and before we passed out from sheer lack of oxygen, the Buddha head was "so cool and I was able to get 50% off for you"...what the heck did that Buddha head cost at full value?? Like that was going to be the deal breaker?

I diplomatically told Julie that in case she hadn't read the newspapers - the world was in a recession and our pay rise was frozen for 2 years, so sorry - this was a little out of our league.
She took it well, considering she is a single mom; having just taken her cheating hubby to the cleaners and scored a 5 bedroom home, an Aston Martin and an Audi SUV 6 point something in the divorce! Obviously she does not need our project. Goodbye Julie, go work on some rich Arab's Armani couch cushions!
Fortunately, we are ever the creative and pushy family, and we know that Cisco's former HR manager actually was married to a designer and knows people who knows people. We got Dennis on the phone and asked him if he could source some of the furniture at lower prices.
As it turns out, his ex-wife, now works with Julie, go figure that two scorned wives go into business of screwing other people....so Dennis told us that he would love to see his ex-wife lose a project and in 2 days he had us visiting a 'hidden in the industrial estate of Al Quoz' Indian furniture maker. After picking the same furniture and material Julia had suggested, and being our own project managers, we had a quote for a mere 81,000 dirhams ($22,000) which is such a deal, considering it cost $50,000 to furnish our entire Sanibel home.
This did not include the revered Buddha Head though, but I am sure I can find an authentic piece in Nepal in September, when Hunter, Aric and I go backpacking in Kathmandu Valley.
It should be mentioned that between December and March, when we were sitting on lawn furniture without any tables to set a drink on, we were wishing for a Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn. The Gods obviously played a trick on us, because as soon as I signed the check for the Indian furniture place, both stores AND an Ethan Allen store, opened up in 2 different malls! Can we ever win?? In hindsight though, their prices are over the top, as everything is imported and besides, the whole Cape Cod look just doesn't work in a Desert environment....so there!

Now, as things are coming together, we are excited about our new and coordinated look. It hasn't been without patience (you have to micro manage these Indians - they work hard but they have no finishing or detailed skills); they will assemble and install the units and forget about the fact that a TV actually runds on electricity and therefore you should have a whole in the unit back panel for the power cord! All seven Indians almost ran for cover when Aric brought out his electronic level...they looked as if he brought a cane to punish them, then looked in awe as the shelves were 0.5 mm off!
The couch ended up being 5 cm too high and as the Ault males rarely grow to more than 5'10, feet were dangling above the floor when sitting in the sofa. Off came the steel legs and back to the iron monger for cutting. We should have a complete living room and lounge ready for when Aric's dad Tom and his main squeeze Margaret, arrive May 1. We may even have some art up. The Buddha Head will have to wait; I have an African mask from Kenya that will take it's place for now. Pictures will follow in a few weeks.