hand me that screwdriver, please?

Guess how many Indians it takes to install a TV wall unit? Just guess...! OK then, I'll tell you. It takes seven (well six to work and one to watch), plus a supervisor, plus 8-9 phonecalls from the project manager and 4 days of assembly efforts. It puts Ikea to shame.

In December, when we moved from the Penthouse to the Villa, I sold most of our furniture - during the past 10 years and through 4 countries, we have collected a mis-match of pieces that just didn't cut it any longer. I was longing for coordinated style and comfort. I know - it's a female thing! Aric is at fault though. He met the Penthouse neighbor, whose apartment could be a candidate for the May issue of 'House and Garden' (or 'Apartment and Balcony'). Not shy of entering conversations, my dear Aric went through the neighbor's rooms and salivated over the carefully selected designer pieces. So when Julie (designer and 'girlfriend' of aforementioned neighbor) rode the elevator up with Aric one late night and happened to mention that such furniture could be had for a quarter of the cost, Aric of course thought "what a deal" (he forgot to take into account that it was a quarter of the designer's price, not Ikea or normal prices...!!)

So, in sheer bliss and ignorance, we started looking in stacks of books and magazines for ideas on furniture, lamps and accessories. Julie put a lot of time into coordinating colors (as designers do) and we ended up with two living rooms completely furnished - on paper.
It looked fantastic with teal, taupe, burnt orange, and a Buddha head on a shelf. Then came the quote (and we thought we were prepared, having sussed out several prices on couches and chairs) - 237,000 Dirhams (that's about $65,000) let me tell you that 'sticker shock' is putting it mildly! Ikea all of sudden looked golden; I almost had my butt in the car heading there, when Julie told us that her fee was a mere 12.5% on top of the value, and before we passed out from sheer lack of oxygen, the Buddha head was "so cool and I was able to get 50% off for you"...what the heck did that Buddha head cost at full value?? Like that was going to be the deal breaker?

I diplomatically told Julie that in case she hadn't read the newspapers - the world was in a recession and our pay rise was frozen for 2 years, so sorry - this was a little out of our league.
She took it well, considering she is a single mom; having just taken her cheating hubby to the cleaners and scored a 5 bedroom home, an Aston Martin and an Audi SUV 6 point something in the divorce! Obviously she does not need our project. Goodbye Julie, go work on some rich Arab's Armani couch cushions!
Fortunately, we are ever the creative and pushy family, and we know that Cisco's former HR manager actually was married to a designer and knows people who knows people. We got Dennis on the phone and asked him if he could source some of the furniture at lower prices.
As it turns out, his ex-wife, now works with Julie, go figure that two scorned wives go into business of screwing other people....so Dennis told us that he would love to see his ex-wife lose a project and in 2 days he had us visiting a 'hidden in the industrial estate of Al Quoz' Indian furniture maker. After picking the same furniture and material Julia had suggested, and being our own project managers, we had a quote for a mere 81,000 dirhams ($22,000) which is such a deal, considering it cost $50,000 to furnish our entire Sanibel home.
This did not include the revered Buddha Head though, but I am sure I can find an authentic piece in Nepal in September, when Hunter, Aric and I go backpacking in Kathmandu Valley.
It should be mentioned that between December and March, when we were sitting on lawn furniture without any tables to set a drink on, we were wishing for a Crate and Barrel or Pottery Barn. The Gods obviously played a trick on us, because as soon as I signed the check for the Indian furniture place, both stores AND an Ethan Allen store, opened up in 2 different malls! Can we ever win?? In hindsight though, their prices are over the top, as everything is imported and besides, the whole Cape Cod look just doesn't work in a Desert environment....so there!

Now, as things are coming together, we are excited about our new and coordinated look. It hasn't been without patience (you have to micro manage these Indians - they work hard but they have no finishing or detailed skills); they will assemble and install the units and forget about the fact that a TV actually runds on electricity and therefore you should have a whole in the unit back panel for the power cord! All seven Indians almost ran for cover when Aric brought out his electronic level...they looked as if he brought a cane to punish them, then looked in awe as the shelves were 0.5 mm off!
The couch ended up being 5 cm too high and as the Ault males rarely grow to more than 5'10, feet were dangling above the floor when sitting in the sofa. Off came the steel legs and back to the iron monger for cutting. We should have a complete living room and lounge ready for when Aric's dad Tom and his main squeeze Margaret, arrive May 1. We may even have some art up. The Buddha Head will have to wait; I have an African mask from Kenya that will take it's place for now. Pictures will follow in a few weeks.