CSI Sharjah

Life is starting to resemble normality again in the Ault family. Three months in temporary accommodations - even with daily housekeeping, bottled water delivery and chocolate on your pillow - just does not compare to your own nesting grounds. You know you are home when Cable TV has been fully installed. The hotel offered many perks but channel selection wasn't one of them! Much as I love to follow politics and world news, even I grew tired of CNN and Al Jazeera (Arabia's version of CBS I think ;-) and after the US election coverage, the Thai protests and Mumbai massacre, I crave empty and mindless sitcoms and series. Even an old Steven Seagall movie would rock my world right about now.

In the UK I was admittedly a slave to "CSI Fridays" - nothing better after a long week than to pop myself on the couch with a glass of wine and be indulged by 3-in-a-row, CSI Vegas, Miami and NY. Oh, how I miss Horatio's world class one-liners "That, Frank, is what we are about to find out" while he (as ONLY he can) took off, or put on - depending on the seriousness of the crime - his designer action sunglasses!
It was therefore with great pleasure, after ensuring that Aric ordered the right movie package, that I lunged myself into the corner of the couch Friday night to investigate what the programs had to offer. Aric's constant comments in the background - about "how small the TV looks in the large living room" - clearly planting seeds that we should upgrade the 42 inch to a 50 inch, were conveniently tuned out and just faded when I saw that CSI NY was on the menu.
I skipped to the kitchen like a happy 6-year-old and eagerly grabbed a fine, rare red wine. NOT rare as in some posh un-pronounceable French vintage bottle....no, RARE as in "we don't have a liquor license yet, so cannot buy alcohol in Dubai and I can only bring in 1-2 bottles every time I travel", so this is a rare commodity - only to be savoured under very special circumstances. CSI NY was definitely such an occasion.

I clicked on the channel, raised the glass slowly to my lips, already tasting this full-bodied bouquet of slightly fruity, yet edgy, silky smooth elecsir, as the familiar Who song blasted from the TV speakers (we do not have surround sound yet, much to Aric's dismay), and then I froze!

The remote in my left hand, wine glass in the right, lips slightly parted, eyes wide open - I was paralyzed when Gary Sinise said "م التعريف, ال التعريف ريسة, ضحية, قتيل " or "Al haramsha burj marak umm suqueim" (or losely translated into English - "the victim died from multiple gunshots") -- what was that all about?? There is no Arabic in CSI! Mentally I was just flung back 30 years to my childhood TV experience in Denmark, when all our German TV channels showed American movies dubbed in Deutsch. You cannot have John Wayne speak German so ergo, Gary Sinise speaking Arabic is as much a faux pas!

"Yalla, Aric come here" I shouted, (Yalla being a Arabic catch-all word for "hurry up, come on" and many other meanings) - I wanted an explanation and fast! Turns out we have one Showtime channel from Sharjah (neighbor Emirate) which broadcasts all US shows in Arabic. Sex and the City, Desparate House wives, Friends, Seinfeld, Lost...all the actors have been taken secret Arabic lessons so this particular Emirate population can watch without struggling with English! Well, that's just dandy - so now I have to review all the TV times to find the one channel which has all the shows in plain English, including my beloved CSI!